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By Emmanuel Williams

Ain’t no passin’ craze.

“I sit

In my desolate room

No lies

No music…”

-“Sugar”, System of a Down

The room is dark around me. One lamp. My two computer displays. One screen plays “The Godfather” (Don Corleone was just murdered), the other is a fresh Google Doc meant to tell you how much I want a daughter.

And what could happen if I don’t put one in a girl’s belly…

Do you know what I’ve been through?

I made two sons with two different women. Each son’s mother made it difficult for me to raise my boys.

Don’t get me wrong, I would cherish a new son like Gold from a leprechaun on an Irish shore. But my luck is shit when it comes to parenthood.

All I want is a chance to give my values to another. To advise the youth of today in a way they can only heed my horror stories.

Why else would I write the horror that I write? 

Big parts of my heart wish that Eli and Johnny come across my online content and see their father only wanted to teach them…

If they’re reading, I’ve only loved you. You’re intelligent, you’re beautiful, and you’re a gem among a stack of fucking cows. Be yourself, be true, be all your father wished he could give to you: Respect.

Don’t ever live without Honor. Don’t ever stop protecting the women around you from harm. And try not to die from your own deeds!

Don’t take meth, don’t take crack, smoke a little weed but only on your own couch in front of a movie.

And in regards to girls: say something nice, then keep it up. Respond to her needs in a way that she can rely on. Don’t ever hurt a woman. Unless she hurts you physically. Then get rid of her as soon as possible.

Hold debts to no man you will see face to face again. No one. Man or woman.

Imagine what I would say to my daughter…

“Keep your head up. You’re a woman as soon as your womb starts bleeding. And when that happens, you must command respect. If it hasn’t happened yet, you should be a good girl to whoever is raising you, because that’s who will protect you when you can’t protect yourself.

If you find yourself without protection, kick and punch. Believe me, it works. Ask my mother, ask anyone who’s been drugged and has nothing else left. 

Kick. And fucking punch.

If it kills you –

Kick. Punch.

Now your daddy said so.

If I’m in your phone, call me. I’ll come running.

If that son of a bitch has ran, I’ll make sure you’re ok, but I’m going to hunt that bastard down.

And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you!

Take a bullet. Shoot a thousand rounds.

For my baby girl. For daddy’s little princess.

You only have one king. ME!

FUCK JESUS. FUCK YOUR MOTHER. ONLY I CAN SAVE YOU!!!

If your mother loved you, she wouldn’t be trying to stop you from becoming the bitch she’s become. If your mother loved you she’d still be with me.”

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I don’t have a daughter.

But she’s my American Dream!

She’s my if, my and, and my but or however.

My sons may not get to wear the crown, but what about my princess???

Will you bless me, Oh God?

Oh Universe?

Oh stars which hear my prayers.

I will raise the most IMMACULATE woman. FROM SCRATCH!!

Or I will die protecting these words.

BECAUSE I AM A FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!