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By Emmanuel Williams

(Borrowed from an old website that might not exist anymore. This story has been told many thousands of times verbally by yours truly. It’s a personal favorite.)

A woman walks into an adult store and walks up to the clerk. “My husband is away on business and I need something to help my cravings. What ya got?”

The clerk shows her over to the vibrator collection.

“That won’t do it…” she says.

He shows her the personal lubricants.

“Getting warmer.”

Finally the clerk says, “I know what you need, follow me.”

Back at the counter, he pulls out a box from beneath and sets it on display for her. It is 10 inches long.

“This,” he says, “is VooDoo Dick.”

“Well open it up already!”

“Careful what you wish for,” he says. But he opens the box and says “VooDoo Dick, the door.”

A black rubber dildo zooms through the air and rams the door back and forth on it’s swinging hinges.

“I’ll take it!”

“VooDoo Dick, be still.” It returns to it’s box as if nothing has happened.

Later, on the road home, the lady’s car seems uncontrollable to the naked eye. 

An officer of the law pulls her over.

“Ma’am, you’re all over the place, license and registration please.”

“Sorry officer, it’s this VooDoo Dick. It won’t stop fucking me!”

The officer stops writing and looks up, “VooDoo Dick, my ass.”

fin